My Mentoring Journey
Chapter 1
Mentoring is a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Usually, a mentor is much older & more experienced while the mentee is younger, who wishes to develop him/herself personally/professionally. However, effective mentoring is not a one-way street and adds value to both the parties. Mentoring when conducted on one-to-one basis is more effective compared to the mentoring done on one-to-many basis.
I like interacting and talking to young persons. I realised a bit late in my life that I like to teach. I use ‘teach’ here in a conventional sense. I love to study the subjects (Math, Science, Economics, History & Pol. Science) that I teach to school kids and enjoy chatting with kids. While learning to teach, I realised how wonderful NCERT books are. Further, I do know the answers to quite a few questions that the kids ask, I have to constantly seek help from google devta! I believe that if one wishes to learn something well and likes the subject, there is nothing like teaching!
Let me get back to mentoring. In my last avatar at T.I.M.E. (an organisation that trains students for MBA test-prep), while I enjoyed teaching subjects like Data Sufficiency, Data Interpretation and Logical & Critical Reasoning that are a part of entrance exam for MBA, I believe, I helped more students and colleagues by ‘counselling’ and helping them to take better life decisions. The range of my ‘counselling’ included pre-marriage & post-marriage counselling, divorce counselling, mid-career counselling besides the ‘plain vanilla’ career counselling. While counselling, I discovered that I gained as much from it as they may have. It also helped me to build closer relationships with many students as well as colleagues/others.
Post-‘retirement’ from T.I.M.E., I have continued to counsel/guide/advise various ex-students/colleagues and others in the similar way I used to do earlier. The broad rules and style that I had decided for myself continue to be in force. My favourite tools are ‘why and how’. I do not prescribe, nor recommend any solution but ask several probing and follow-up questions, help them to generate alternate options and more than anything else, listen and offer a non-judgemental ‘safe’ space.
When I came to know about Mentor Together (MT) during my excursions on internet, I applied and went through a well-structured screening process, which by itself was a good learning for me. After qualifying, I awaited to be allotted a ‘mentee’. One fine day, I was informed about Shital Dhole being the ‘allotted one’. I was surprised for I was expecting a male mentee. I was under the impression that gender matching is de rigour while matching mentor-mentee. Anyway.
Our first conversation was mostly about getting to know each other. We clicked. I do not fully comprehend why two persons click almost instantaneously. Sometimes, it takes more time to click and sometimes ‘clicking’ just doesn’t happen! In the past, similar ‘clicks’ have happened to me with few persons. Within the first few minutes of meeting and talking, one senses a connection. Psychologists and researchers have some plausible explanations, but it is an unsolved mystery till now.
Shital reminded me a lot of my childhood in terms of her dreams, her innocence and naivety. But she is more hardworking, more tenacious, more down-to-earth and more ambitious compared to what I was at her age. When we started discussing the first module of MT’s structure, our conversation was business-like, serious and sticking to the structure. But within the next 10–15 minutes, it became a friendly banter since it does not take much for Shital to erupt into peals of laughter. And once it starts, it continues for quite some time.
She is from a small village in Maharashtra and belongs to a farming family. A bright student, she is a recipient of scholarships during her diploma and degree courses in Civil Engineering. She is currently in her final year of engineering and aspires to become an IAS officer.
Coming to MT’s programme. It is well-structured, consisting of 15 sessions/modules to facilitate the interaction between the mentor and mentee. The mentors offer their time and support on a pro bono basis. A mentor is allotted one mentee at a time and the interactions are on one-to-one basis. Both mentor and mentee are required to independently go through each of these modules by themselves. Each module includes case studies / exercises / quizzes / videos. Both mentor and mentee must independently answer the questions in the module and record their answers and reflections on web/android app.
After completing this, both get on a call at a mutually convenient time and discuss the questions, their respective answers, reflections and any related issues that may come up during the discussions. Each of our calls lasted anywhere from 60 to 120 minutes and I enjoyed our discussions immensely. There is no person present from MT on these calls and they come into the picture only in case the conversations do not flow smoothly.
The modules include and focus on areas like personal vision, values and beliefs, challenges in personal and professional life, decision-making, planning to achieve one’s goals and self & emotional management. The mentor may also plan for sessions not covered in the structure based on the needs of mentee articulated in the discussions. We had three additional sessions — one on ‘career goals’ using Simon Sinek’s video ‘importance of why’, second on knowing oneself using MBTI and Johari window and the third on ‘how to improve verbal and written English communication skills’ which was based on Shital’s weakness identified by her. It takes about 4–6 months to complete all the modules. We had about 15 sessions at a frequency of about one session every 7–10 days.
I strongly believe in the power of stories. One of the reasons we clicked because we both like to share our stories. Shital and I shared many stories from our respective lives. Her stories of struggles, her gentle laughter and her compassion were fascinating as well as inspirational. For me, it was a trip down memory lane.
Our discussions ranged across many areas — some related and some not related to the various modules. We discussed about our values, how they have evolved and how they have shaped our beliefs, attitudes and behaviour. We had interesting discussions about caste, religion, gender and their influence in our lives. We also shared our views about the people who have impressed and influenced us.
A fair amount of time in our interactions was spent in discussing about why IAS and why Shital wishes to become an IAS officer. We discussed about the power and authority that that the IAS officer wields and a judicious use of it can bring about the change in the lives of less-advantaged persons and address the socio-economic ills in India. On my suggestion, Shital wrote a long essay for herself ‘Why I wish to become an IAS officer’ that helped her build greater clarity and conviction.
The discussions also included how to prepare for the various stages of UPSC exams that an aspirant must clear to qualify as an IAS officer and the degree of difficulty in qualifying. The difficulty level and number of attempts that may be needed to clear UPSC exams also brought home the need to consider parallel plans to earn a livelihood to support her family during this period and whether one needs a plan B if UPSC does not work out.
Shital shared her challenges in her personal and college life when she left her home and stayed in the hostel for the diploma course after class X. One of our calls was taken by her while she was working on her farm. My wife and I could see lush green fields on the video call and got introduced to her mother and brother. This was possibly the point when Shital transited for me from a mentee to be more like a daughter, a family member.
It is more than three months since our formal interaction as a mentor and mentee has ended but we keep in touch. It is such a joy talking to this simple, sweet and ambitious girl whose self-belief, positivity and down-to-earth nature has been like a fresh and gentle breeze in our lives.
Thank you Shital for being Shital! I am sure that your dedication, focussed efforts and never-say-die spirit will make your dreams come true.
Thank you Mentor Together for connecting me with Shital.
I am lucky to have got connected to another bright and chirpy mentee through Mentor Together. More about her some other time.
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For those who are interested in mentoring, following organisations may be contacted:
1. Mentor Together — https://mentortogether.org/
2. Micromentor — https://www.micromentor.org/
3. MentormeIndia — https://mentormeindia.org/
